LDS poet, author, and gay ally laid to rest

Monya: As a 7-yo Mormon girl excited for baptism, I knew all the lyrics to My Turn on Earth by heart. I’d let the record wind down to the cardboard and set it again on the outer rim, so Carol Lynn Pearson is fused with my LDS identity. It was easy to believe in her Heavenly Mother and vision of LGBTQ members fully deserving of love.

The last time I heard her voice was over a Zoom talk at Sunstone in 2024 – when her face literally towered over attendees. I was sitting beside a couple twenty-somethings, and it was obvious from their expressions that they had no idea who she was, or why she was reassuring gay and nonbinary folks that God loved them too.  All the talks before had taken this for granted: it was the Church, not the members, that needed to change.  It actually felt wonderful – her work had made such a difference that a message so essential and surprising was now simply assumed.

Johnny: I remember those days of struggling to find decent LDS music. My Turn on Earth was such an improvement over Saturday’s Warrior, so I listened to it many times on my record player, too. As a wannabe writer, “I’m the one that writes my own story,” resonated. 

When I came out in 1986-87, pre-Internet, it was almost impossible in New Orleans where I lived to find anything about LDS LGBTQ folks. But a friend of mine in the Single Adults group gave me a copy of Carol Lynn Pearson’s “Goodbye, I Love You,” and I was overwhelmed. A connection! Reading the book, I realized I’d already heard of her husband because of his book, “There Is a Way Back.”

A short time later, the AIDS Quilt came to New Orleans, and while strolling through the hundreds of quilt panels, I came upon “Gerald Pearson” and stopped in my tracks, knowing who had made that panel.

Carol Lynn Pearson gave me hope that the church would change. I needed that hope at the time, though if anything, it’s turned out the church has grown even more hardline against LGBTQ folks in the decades since. Still, I think she helped members, both gay and non-gay, to “see the light,” which has undoubtedly helped many of them leave altogether.

Monya: I remember reading No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons around our Gay Loved Ones. It was full of people who thought they must be the only gay Mormon in existence. And so many found the same coping strategies: empty promises to themselves that some life milestone: going on a mission, getting married, having a child would relieve their “burden.” Of course, bishops were counseling that this was true. Carol Lynn showed us how Church policy made good people, good families suffer profoundly. Just having all those personal testimonies of lived experience opened up compassion. At least for lots of members. It didn’t seem to move any General Authorities.

Johnny: Back in the 1980s, I thought that the General Authorities simply didn’t know any better, that they’d been raised in ignorant/biased times, and that once they learned the facts about LGBTQ folks, they’d adjust church teachings. I believed that folks like Carol Lynn Pearson and those in Affirmation would help transmit that much needed knowledge to the GA’s.

Then it became obvious that the “leaders” already knew and didn’t care. It was impossible to unsee that brutal truth. Carol Lynn Pearson and others like her helped members and former members, and alleviating suffering while spreading compassion and understanding are good things LDS leaders can’t erase. While I was disappointed she was unable to influence LDS policy, it’s not realistic to have expected her to. 

Her focus on Heavenly Mother was what almost got her excommunicated. I appreciate her efforts to keep women from being erased when speaking of the afterlife as well. She helped many people, and I’m grateful for her persistence.

Monya: I’d like to end with the poem she left to us.

To Those Who Have Loved Me

When I am gone

let me lie in state

in your heart

for a day or two

or more.

Then plant me

Deep in the soil

of your best work

and let me help

toward harvest.