By chanson and Donna Banta
Gloria Steinem’s recent passing has inspired many conversations, including here on Main Street Plaza.
Donna: Like many women, old and young, I will miss Gloria Steinem. We all have stories and memories. I was a senior at BYU when I read “If Men Could Menstruate.” It was my first shelf breaker. The beginning of my crumbling testimony of the LDS Church. Not that I realized it at the time. But her incisive, hilarious essay did help me realize the flimsiness of the whole construct of patriarchy. The idea that one sex should be considered superior based on anatomy. Or that the men in charge can twist an argument in any direction in order to stay in charge. Not only that, she had me laughing over the silliness of it all. Laughter is dangerous. It can lead to irreverence. Even to evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed. In my case, it led me to support the Equal Rights Amendment. At a time when Sonia Johnson was heading for excommunication. So, yeah, Gloria was a shelf breaker for me.
chanson: The whole LDS fight over the ERA was something of an early shelf item for me. Since I’m a few years younger, I was around 12 when all of the controversy was swirling around Utah & ERA. Back then, I was still at the age of pretty much believing whatever my parents’ told me.
It actually reminds me of one of my most shameful memories that I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone:
I strongly believed in women’s rights and women’s equality, but my mom — following the LDS party line — explained to me that the ERA went too far. It would force unisex bathrooms and allow gay marriage (which would be bad for some unexplained reason…?).
Anyway, I remember it because in my art class we were making political buttons, and one of the ones I made was based on stuff my mom had told me: “Stop ERA: We don’t want gays.” Later in that same school year, I came to realize that my art teacher was gay. He didn’t do anything to indicate there was anything amiss about any of my buttons. (Hopefully he didn’t even notice it…)
I realized even back then that I didn’t agree with the sentiment that I had unfortunately parroted. My art teacher has probably been dead for decades, but I’m still ashamed to have done that.
But you were at BYU, so I’m sure you have more interesting memories to recount!
Donna: Join the club, chanson! I’m afraid all of us ex-Mormons have cringy memories like that. What’s great is that we can own up to them now rather than continue to deny and defend. I don’t remember a lot of talk at BYU about the ERA enabling gay rights. That probably only points to my cluelessness. After all, I was also oblivious to the deconversion therapy going on there at the time. What I remember is the lame argument that the ERA would take away “protections” for women. (Women would be drafted, for example.) Of course, what that really meant is men could no longer claim women as possessions.
chanson: And so many smart women buy into the patriarchal framing — happily describing themselves as “eight-cow-wives” — and convincing themselves that women who don’t want to be property are just jealous, ugly, etc.
My experience with my mom and other talented LDS women of her generation was that they believed in feminist values (like women’s rights and autonomy), but somehow “Feminism” itself was wrong and was somehow harming women’s ability to be feminine. Personally, I internalized the former and rejected the latter — so even as a young Mormon girl, I saw the feminists as the good guys. It’s hard to imagine seeing Phyllis Schlafly as the good guy and Gloria Steinem as the villain.
Donna: Around ten years ago I attended an LDS wedding reception. The bride was an articulate, intelligent and ambitious young woman with an advanced degree and better earning potential than the groom. More than once I’d heard her voice her support for women’s rights. However, during the toasting of the sparkling cider, she sat by silently while the groom raised his glass and said, “Well, I can’t speak for…” He paused, then reconsidered. “I take that back. Now that she’s my wife I can speak for her!” And his articulate and intelligent bride just sat there smiling up at him. Like a good 8-cow woman.
You’re right, chanson. Gloria Steinem was definitely the good guy. But tell that to a believing LDS woman and she’ll be clutching her pearls and shouting “Get thee hence.” Steinem was a feminist, which, bizarrely, means she was anti-femininity? (Even though she was well-spoken, gracious, stunningly gorgeous, and had tremendous style.) I’ve heard countless LDS women claim to support equal rights for women. Even more bizarrely, they claim the Church is on their side. They boast of “breakthroughs” like permission to wear pants or offer prayers in General Conference. They quote nuanced gobbledegook from the temple ceremony that has no practical application. Then they go to church and submit to the priesthood. They let their husbands speak for them.
…Or sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they’re sitting in their dorm room reading “If Men Could Menstruate” and a shelf breaks. Or they come to realize that Gloria Steinem and Sonia Johnson are not the villains after all. They toss those cringey buttons they made in art class. (Face it. We all made them.) They throw off the misogynistic doctrine they were raised to believe. They go on to live fuller lives and, hopefully, inspire others to do the same.
Gloria never gave up. So neither can we.