He Used His Powers for Good!

I like to say that Mormon satire writes itself.

Take Senator Mitt Romney’s public scolding of Congressman George Santos at the State of the Union. “You don’t belong here,” Romney declared. Santos, who generally remains smug when confronted with his pathological lying and otherwise unethical behavior, appeared visibly shaken in the moment. But later he regrouped, erupting in a series of juvenile retorts.

First a tweet reminding Romney that “he’ll never be president.” (Could actually be true!)

Then a mangled statement to a reporter: “I think it’s reprehensible that the senator would say such a thing to me in the demeaning way said. It wasn’t very Mormon of him.” (Oops. Definitely not true!)

Hate to break it to you George, but you don’t know Mormons.

Latter-day Saints excel at demeaning. The whole gamut: scolding, shaming, destructive criticism, self-righteous blathering, stern denouncements, nit-picking, unsolicited insults—they’re as commonplace to Mormons as the array of Jell-O salads at their monthly potluck. All served up generously alongside the funeral potatoes. Nobody does it better.

Obviously wounded by his first LDS patriarchal put-down, Santos went on to blubber over his new “ally” Krysten Sinema, claiming she told him to “hang in there, buddy,” and was “very polite, very kindhearted, unlike Romney who has always had prejudice towards minorities.”

Predictably, Sinema’s office was quick to call out his lie.

Evidently George doesn’t know ex-Mormons either.

Truth is, I don’t have much sympathy for any of these individuals. But I will give Romney credit. Rather than unleash on some poor schlub who forgot his priesthood manual, he aimed his inherent, well-honed patriarchal superpower at a worthy target. It was almost surreal, the realization of a long-held fantasy. Like in a corny movie when the hero (me), amazed by the evil-doer’s eloquence, laments, “If only he would use his power for good.”

I suppose George deserves a shout out as well, for being the butt of another bit of unintentional Mormon satire. As for Sinema, she’s done too much to disappoint me. Although the bat-wing yellow number she sported that evening did entertain.

Donna Banta

My novels, "Seer Stone," "Mormon Erotica," "False Prophet" and "The Girls From Fourth Ward," are available on Amazon.

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4 Responses

  1. chanson says:

    I completely agree. I’m not a fan of Mitt, but he has some integrity, and with it he makes Mormons look good.

    I wish certain Mormons in my life would take a page from this book. I’d like to be able to say, “We disagree on theology, but so-and-so’s LDS faith inspires them to good values and good actions.”

    Instead I see it used as an excuse to justify bigoted beliefs and harm. I’m not even trying to claim the moral high ground — I just wish they’d stop racing to the bottom of the moral bottomless pit.

  2. Donna Banta says:

    Mitt Romney does seem to exemplify the best face of Mormonism. Over the years I’ve found that to be annoying, sometimes humorous, but also endearing–as he was in this case. I know exactly what it feels like to be on the receiving end of an LDS patriarch’s dressing down. And, gee, in Santos’ case, it couldn’t happen to a “nicer guy.” lol

    Unfortunately, for every Mitt Romney there tends to be 2 or 3 Mike Lees who, as you say, can’t stop racing to the moral low ground.

  3. @Monya_PostMo says:

    Mitt’s a double-edged sword. I actually covered him as a cub reporter/intern for WBUR, when he was running for Senator and he took my daft questions seriously. It’s good to see him calling out Santos. It’s a double-edged sword though Mormonism can make you feel comfortable calling something out without thinking through it first. I remember what a brat I was declaiming sweet tea in the American south!

  4. Donna Banta says:

    @Monya_PostMo, Interesting that you covered him as a reporter!.True, there are moments when that Mormon self-righteousness can work for the common good, but so often it’s misdirected. Especially considering how many things Mormons consider sinful–like sweet tea!

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