He Used His Powers for Good!
I like to say that Mormon satire writes itself.
Take Senator Mitt Romney’s public scolding of Congressman George Santos at the State of the Union. “You don’t belong here,” Romney declared. Santos, who generally remains smug when confronted with his pathological lying and otherwise unethical behavior, appeared visibly shaken in the moment. But later he regrouped, erupting in a series of juvenile retorts.
First a tweet reminding Romney that “he’ll never be president.” (Could actually be true!)
Then a mangled statement to a reporter: “I think it’s reprehensible that the senator would say such a thing to me in the demeaning way said. It wasn’t very Mormon of him.” (Oops. Definitely not true!)
Hate to break it to you George, but you don’t know Mormons.
Latter-day Saints excel at demeaning. The whole gamut: scolding, shaming, destructive criticism, self-righteous blathering, stern denouncements, nit-picking, unsolicited insults—they’re as commonplace to Mormons as the array of Jell-O salads at their monthly potluck. All served up generously alongside the funeral potatoes. Nobody does it better.
Obviously wounded by his first LDS patriarchal put-down, Santos went on to blubber over his new “ally” Krysten Sinema, claiming she told him to “hang in there, buddy,” and was “very polite, very kindhearted, unlike Romney who has always had prejudice towards minorities.”
Predictably, Sinema’s office was quick to call out his lie.
Evidently George doesn’t know ex-Mormons either.
Truth is, I don’t have much sympathy for any of these individuals. But I will give Romney credit. Rather than unleash on some poor schlub who forgot his priesthood manual, he aimed his inherent, well-honed patriarchal superpower at a worthy target. It was almost surreal, the realization of a long-held fantasy. Like in a corny movie when the hero (me), amazed by the evil-doer’s eloquence, laments, “If only he would use his power for good.”
I suppose George deserves a shout out as well, for being the butt of another bit of unintentional Mormon satire. As for Sinema, she’s done too much to disappoint me. Although the bat-wing yellow number she sported that evening did entertain.