latent Mormon sexuality
So, I’m wading through my inbox the other day when I get an email from a friend I haven’t heard from in quite a while. He knows I’m no longer LDS and that I have a sense of humor. So, he forwards me the following email:
My co-worker, ******* (name changed to protect the innocent), comes into the office today, with that smile on his face that says, “I’ve got a really funny story for you”.
His brother, Tyler, is a “ward missionary” out in L.A. and was helping a couple missionaries in preparing for a neighborhood “meet n’ greet” where the neighborhood could come over and meet the members of the church, and get to know these “Mormons” and find out they’re not weird and not into weird things…
They decided on a “blast-off” theme for the party. So everything was being created along those themes. The Elders decided on a rocket-ship cake that was going to be “blasting-off”. But they didn’t have an oven, so Tyler says they can use his while he’s at work.
He returns home and calls them up, asking if everything went okay. “It was kinda tough, stacking the cupcakes up, and getting the frosting on there. We had to use a stick to hold it up. It’s in the fridge if you want to check it out”.
He opens the fridge, and falls to the floor laughing. [I edited the following so it is easier to follow.]
[Y]ou probably put it together by now, but it’s far worse than you imagine. This is what he sees:
They ask him why he’s laughing so hard, and he tells them the truth. Yeah, that’s really what it looks like. The missionary on the phone punches the other in the arm and says, “I told you!”
The cake was not served at the party.
Classic. Story of legends. Picture to prove it.
So, the story gets better. I sent this to a couple of friends who I figured would get a good laugh out of it. One of them replies a day later with the following:
In the Dec. 2008 Friend magazine on page 36, is a recipe for Candlestick Salad:
BY PAULA WEED
This candle will brighten your holiday, and it tastes wonderful!
- 1 cup alfalfa sprouts, divided
- 4 pineapple rings
- 4 ripe bananas
- 1 cup strawberry yogurt
- 4 fresh strawberries
- Spread 1/4 cup alfalfa sprouts on four individual serving plates. Place pineapple rings on top of the sprouts.
- Peel and slice a 3-inch (8-cm) piece of banana. Stand the banana upright in the pineapple ring. Cut a notch across the top of the banana.
- Pour yogurt over the banana and let it drizzle down the sides to resemble melted wax.
- Slice strawberries about 1/4 inch (.6 cm) thick. Stand the strawberry slice in the notch in the banana to look like the flame on a candle.
- Cut four 1/2-inch (1-cm) thick slices from the remaining bananas.
- Cut a notch in the banana slices. Stand them on the edge of the pineapple ring for a handle. Serve immediately.
And here is someone’s attempt to recreate the salad:
(again, original URL so you know I’m not making this up)
Personally, I think the alfalfa sprouts would make for a much better “patch” at the base of the “banana” then the lettuce used in the photo. If someone happens to have all of the ingredients on hand to follow the exact Candlestick Salad recipe, I’d love to see a photo. As I write this I’m imagining the innocent people who concocted these creations smiling at their achievement while oblivious to the “monsters” they have just created.