Here and Gone? A mother thinking ahead…..
I am having surgery tomorrow, on my spine.
Am I scared? Yes.
Do I have faith that it will be okay? Mostly.
Did the blessing I received yesterday help to calm me? Yes.
Does having someone touch, move and work around my spinal cord give me a panic attack if I think about it too deeply? Hell Yeah!
So, I am pretty sure that I will be fine, but there is a chance something could go horribly wrong. So, this is the short letter I wrote to my children. I hope that they won’t have to see it until they are older, as a historical document.
My wonderful children,
I love you so very much! You are what make me smile, even when my body hurts. Your laughs, giggles and happy yelling are the music that fills my soul with hope, love and happiness. From the first moment that I held you in my arms, and smiled at your perfect little body, my heart belonged to you. As more children were added toour family, my heart was not split, it simply grew to love all of you more. I never knew that my heart could be this big. You have made me a bigger and better person, as I love you more each day.
I know, that you know, how much I love you. You are all such special children, with bright and lovely spirits. Your love for me and each other will never stop, no matter what happens in our lives. If something happens when I have my surgery tomorrow, it will not change how I feel about you. I will always love you, need you, and will always be there from you, whenever I can. Heavenly Father loves all of us, and whatever happens, I know He will watch over me and all of you!
I hope you never have to see this until you are much older, because my surgery went well and was a simple matter of getting better quickly. Ifsomething elsehappens, I will never stop loving you. I know that you will all become adults and parents who will make me proud.
All my love,