A Post That’s Not About Gay Marriage (except it totally is)

I have a question for you believing Mormons out there (there are some of you who read this, right??? I hope). First, some exposition:

With one (brilliant) exception (me), my immediate family members are all active Mormons. They are, however, split pretty much down the middle: my mother and sisters are conservative, and my father and brothers (and I) are liberal. My father always taught us, by word and deed, that all people are equal and deserve the same rights. Think of the most accepting, tolerant, respectful person you know. That person has nothing on my dad. So try to imagine how utterly shocked I was – how completely my world was shaken – when he told me he plans to vote yes on proposition 8. No, you know what? Don’t try to imagine that: you can’t. I thought I knew him, and therefore myself. But I don’t know this man who raised me to never follow authority blindly, to always follow my conscience, and to respect the paths of others because they are all valid. I just…don’t know him.

For those of you who don’t know (why don’t you know? Where have you been? Are you the people who think Obama is a Muslim?), prop 8 would amend the California constitution to ban gay marriage. My dad has always been an advocate of gay rights (for all rights), and has never been one to follow whatever the church says just because the church said it. He always follows his own conscience. And he tells me his conscience says gay people should have the right to get legally married. However, the church leadership told the members to pray about this decision – and here the plot thickens. My dad prayed about it and according to him, God told him to vote yes.

We talked about it for quite a while, and he finally asked me what I would do in his position, if I received divine inspiration that went against my own sense of morality. I told him that if something went against my sense of morality I would never believe it was divine.

That’s a lot of exposition, all to ask this question:

Are there any active, believing Mormons out there who are in favor of gay marriage and have prayed about it and gotten what you would consider personal confirmation that:

a) gay marriage is A-OK


b) gay marriage should not be legal


Also, are there any active, believing Mormons who are in favor of gay marriage and feel that you don’t need to pray about it – that your personal sense of morality is the strongest, best, and only guide you need?

I’m wondering how you believing Mormons have made your decisions, and (I admit to a bit of cat-killing curiosity) if people are getting conflicting messages from the Big Guy.

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9 Responses

  1. Hellmut says:

    I am not a faithful Mormon but I do have several faithful friends who will vote against Proposition 8.

    Some of them have joined the LDS Safe Space Coalition on Facebook.

  2. chanson says:

    I can’t exactly help you since I’m an atheist, but I hear that Buddha said the following:

    Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

    Just sayin’…

  3. Guy Noir Private Eye says:

    (is it just me or)the number of issues tscc comes up with that are divisive never seems to end.
    they’re Plainly more ‘pro-LDS’ than they are ‘pro-family’.
    Family members support & sustain each other, up to and sometimes including the most extreme sacrifices/challenges. That’s NOT where LDS, Inc. is

  4. Craig says:

    There are some few that I know, but quite often they’re afraid to be open about it, as they fear disciplinary action. It’s very sad.

  5. Niles says:

    I’m with you. I thought it through, and saw no need to pray. Some would call that pride; I would call that pragmatism. Lately – largely due to Prop 8 – I have decided that I believe in America more than I believe in Mormonism. So when I see Mormons attacking the rights of their fellow Americans, I have to side with the Americans.

    I am a card-carrying Mormon, attend church every week, pay tithing, and lead the 11-year-old scouts. Prop 8 damaged my faith.

  6. Rebecca,

    Would you contact me about possibly getting this ready for publication in Sunstone?

    stephen [at] sunstonemagazine [dot] com


  7. john says:


    I’m sorry for your hurt and the disappointment that came from your dad’s decision to vote yes. My experience is exactly the opposite of your father’s. I’m a straight, ‘card carrying’ Mormon. Our bishop asked that the members of our ward pray about the issue and follow the promptings from Heavenly Father. I did just that and the prompting I got was this. . . He loves everyone and wants the same happiness for all his children regardless of gender preference. Therefore, I voted No. I hope this helps. Thanks for your post!

  8. Mike L says:

    I am not a Californian, but I am a moderate Mormon (grew up in a liberal home, but have gone to the middle since joining the Church.) IMO, your father was right… “all people are equal and deserve the same rights” but as my wife always says, “Your right to wave your arm ends where my nose begins.” In other words, as long as your rights don’t interfere with others’ rights, it’s all good!

    That said, at a glimpse, it would appear as if Prop 8 is about persecuting the homosexual community by not giving them the same rights that others enjoy, ***which does not harm to anybody else, right?*** That is the fundamental argument… that another person’s sexual preference does no harm to others.

    But is it ok for me to NOT have a say in my child’s educational upbringing, such that public schools have to teach that same-sex marriage is ok? Is it ok for my church to be sued for refusing to marry same-sex couples because it goes against church doctrine? Is it ok for my church to lose its tax-exempt status because its beliefs do not align with the state constitution? Why should my religious organization lose its 1st amendment right to free speech?

    When 5 men in Sacramento denied the votes of millions of Californians, they gave rights to the homosexual community, but stripped the rights of religious organizations within the state. Instead of looking for a solution that would fit all, instead Californians were stuck amending the constituation. While opponents on Prop 8 vehemently oppose the beliefs, decisions, and actions of LDS, they should turn their disgust to Sacramento for causing such a mess in the first place, and not finding a win-win solution for all!

  9. rebecca says:

    Mike L, I’m not going to get into an argument about this. I’m just going to give you this link to an active Mormon attorney’s refutation of your points. This should clear up your concerns and hopefully lead to a better understanding and equality for all under the law:


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