I had to go to the UK to find it, but apparently Rocky Anderson signed an executive order allowing homosexual civil unions and marriages in Salt Lake City. I had no idea! I can only imagine what this is doing to the leadership of the LDS religion… (begin dream sequence)
Boyd K. Packer is sitting in his office in the Church Office Building when an assistant pokes her head in and hands him a copy of Rocky Anderson’s executive order. Veins in Packer’s neck and temples bulge; blood pools in his head. Since it’s my dream, I see cartoonish flames burst out of the top of his head. “This is an abomination and must be stopped! Of all the places to have those same-sex attracted deviants getting married, Salt Lake City is not going to be one of them as long as I’m alive!”
In a mad dash he runs out of his office and heads to Thomas Monson’s office, bursting through the doors. Monson is playing soothing music and is talking with several representatives of Affirmation. Packer pauses, looks around, recognizes the leaders of Affirmation, looks at Monson, then looks back at the leaders of Affirmation. Stunned into silence, he stares, frozen, at the Prophet. Seconds pass; time is frozen… Then it hits him: Monson is gay! Oh… my… god!
For the first time in his life, Boyd K. Packer is experiencing the same level of cognitive dissonance that is regularly experienced by the many followers of the religion he helps lead. The thought. The taste. The smell. The touch. The dissonance is overwhelming. He shakes, he sways, and… Boom! He explodes in a final act of defiance and contradiction.
Monson, calmly wiping the grime from his face, turns back to the leaders of Affirmation and says, without missing a beat, “Well, that’s the final barrier. You’re in!”
(I’m being mean, of course, and have no basis for claiming Boyd K. Packer is an impediment preventing full acceptance of homosexuals in the Mormon fold. But it’s a cool dream!)