Killing my blog was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had in my postmormon existence. For whatever reason, I could not write what I thought without hurting my wife deeply, and when things reached a decision point, I decided that I wouldn’t write if I couldn’t write whatever I wanted to write. And so “Joseph’s Left One” vanished.

It sounds stupid, but I grieved. I felt like I had lost my voice, my right to think and express myself. Ironically, silencing my voice just made me resent Mormonism (and in some ways my wife) even more. You can’t go through a traumatic experience like leaving the church and expect to bottle up your feelings. It doesn’t work.

I don’t know that I’ll have much interesting or valuable to contribute, but it does feel good to have my voice back.


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8 Responses

  1. chanson says:

    Your voice has been missed in Outer Blogness — it will be wonderful to hear more from you. 😀

  2. CWC says:

    I agree with chanson, Runtu. Good to have your voice back. And I do think it’s extremely important to get, and stay, in touch with one’s own voice, and then not let it be silenced. Cheers to you, friend.

  3. The Sacred Sister says:

    I’m sorry that you had to “kill” you blog. Having a blog and being able to just tell someone, anyone, about how I feel has been wonderful. I really feel for you.
    I look forward to reading more from you as well, Runtu… Welcome back.

  4. fta says:

    I completely missed your blog, but I’ve enjoying “hearing” your voice since you’ve come back.

  5. mel says:

    Having killed several blogs myself I too know the heart of a blogocide. But praise be to god for the power of blogerection — and the return of the blogger formerly known as JLO.

  6. Hellmut says:

    Being able to say what you want is a big deal, especially when you are coming out of Mormonism.

  7. Anubys says:

    You’re back, john! Glad to hear it, I’ve enjoyed your blog in the past.

  8. Eric says:


    You never lost your voice, my friend. You merely decided to be silent for a time. We know you had the best of intentions in being silent, and we can only imagine how difficult it was for you to do it.

    I am glad to be able to hear that voice again. Give me a call sometime, ok?


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