From the NOM chairman’s 2007 debut gig:
No doubt, it’s sure to get a chuckle from Mormons and Catholics … God’s on the line. Who’s He calling? Rome? Salt Lake City? Hilarity ensues.
Best.Joke.Ever. Just ask Matt Holland.
But I exaggerate.
Because it wasn’t until 2009 that Robby began deadpanning the funniest punchline of all time:
Public Discourse: What is the struggle over the legal recognition of same-sex unions a struggle about?
Robert P. George: Its about sex.
Yes, Professor George, a former presidential appointee to the United States Commission on Civil Rights, a former member of the President’s Council on Bioethics, a former Judicial Fellow at the Supreme Court of the United States, and a current member of the Council on Foreign Relations, is on record opining that the struggle for marriage equality is all about S-E-X.
In his own words:
Its about sex. Those seeking to redefine marriage began by insisting that what they were fundamentally interested in was gaining needed benefits for same-sex domestic partners. Legal recognition of same-sex partnerships was necessary, they said, so that partners could visit each other in hospitals, extend employer-provided health insurance and other benefits to each other, and so forth. Some people who said this were, Im sure, being sincere. Most, however, were not telling the truth. Their goal was to win official approbation for sodomy and other forms of sexual conduct that historically have been condemned as immoral and discouraged or even banned as a matter of law and public policy. The clear evidence for this is the refusal of most same-sex marriage activists to accept civil unions and domestic partnership programs under which the benefits of marriage are extended, but which do not use the label marriage or (and this is very important) predicate these benefits on the existence or presumption of a sexual relationship between the partners. So, it is not really about benefits. It is about sex. The idea that is antithetical to those who are seeking to redefine marriage is that there is something uniquely good and morally upright about the chaste sexual union of husband and wifesomething that is absent in sodomitical acts and in other forms sexual behavior that have been traditionallyand in my view correctlyregarded as intrinsically non-marital and, as such, immoral.
I know we’ve covered this ground over and over again in these parts, but Dr. George’s various suggestions in the above graf are so ridiculous that I think they warrant opening the floor for a fresh round of rebuttals and mockery.
Man, I hate it when someone butchers a good joke, even one that’s been around since the ’80s. (I heard the late Dick Shawn tell it on the Tonight Show back then.) It’s supposed to be a classic “good news/bad news” joke, something like this:
A cardinal comes rushing into the Pope’s office and says, “Holy Father! I’ve got some good news and some bad news!”
The Pope says, “What’s the good news?”
The cardinal says, “Our Lord is on the phone. He says He’s come again, and there will be no more war or famine or disease anymore!”
The Pope says, “That certainly is wonderful news! But what’s the bad news?”
The cardinal says, “He’s calling from Salt Lake City.”
But seriously folks, Domestic partnerships and civil unions have no presumption of sexual activity? The “chaste sexual union of husband and wife”? Sexual behavior “regarded as intrinsically non-marital”? So straight married couples never have oral or anal sex? What a weirdo.
Is it just me, or didn’t we all become aware of our orientation long before understanding how the plumbing works?
What the? So gay marriage is all about teh secs, but straight marriage isn’t…? Sure, I guess some marriages are chaste, with the wife modestly refusing all advances (after they’ve turned 35 or so), and the husband thanking her for being so pure. But, as usual, the defenders of straight marriage seem to have a very negative opinion of marriage, even as they place it on the pedestal of platitudes.
Either that or he means that whatever straight married couples do is by definition chaste. Because they’re married. Whereas gay people aren’t married to each other (in most states anyway), so when they have sex, it’s not chaste! Hello, merry-go-round! Whee!
@2 That’s true for me (and most people I know). For my kids, however, it may be a different story. They watch tons of science films (including nature documentaries), so they already have the idea of what mating entails — but it’s not clear that they’re aware of their orientation yet.
When straight people say that gay relationships are all about sex, I have to wonder just what they think of their own spouses. Is that all they like their heterosexual marriage partner for? That said, OF COURSE same-sex marriage is about sex. It’s about sex, and love, and friendship, and commitment. Because sex is part of that doesn’t mean it’s ALL. But because it isn’t all doesn’t mean it isn’t part of it. The bottom line is that Mormons have made their conclusion already, and therefore they have to make up arguments that support their conclusion, or risk admitting they are wrong, which is unthinkable. So they have to describe gay relationships in the most demeaning and reductive ways possible. Otherwise, they have to admit we are human beings, which they aren’t ready to do yet. We are a thorn in their side, and we have to keep filling this role until they see us for who we really are, their equals in society and in God’s eyes.
Johnny Townsend, author, The Abominable Gayman
Johnny — What a coincidence, Alan just mentioned the “Gay Mormon Literature Project”, and (as I recall) you’re one of the most famous authors on the list. It’s great to hear from you! Are you going to the Sunstone Symposium this year?
Aw, I thought it was going to be the one where there’s somebody traveling around to different cathedrals in the US and each on has a phone that calls God, but it costs a million dollars. Then you get to [insert local diocese] cathedral, and the call is only $1. And the guy says, “why is it so cheap?” The bishop/priest/cathedral employee replies, “here, it’s a local call.”