In the summer of 2010, I moved my family from England to Northern California. In the process I made the decision to not seek out the church which I had been a member of my entire life. I was done with Mormonism and wouldn’t be going back. Although blessed with another free day on the weekend and a ten percent raise, there were many future challenges as deconstruction had just begun.
Officially resigning from the church corporation took longer than just not going. This happened when I realized the missionaries were showing up at the house to try and talk to the kids when my wife and I would leave for dates. Even though there was some additional negative response from family, it was an important step in continued deconstruction of belief.
Fifteen years later I returned to Northern California due to military retirement. It has brought a flood of memories and a realization that I have continued need for deconstruction in some of the lingering thought processes that were solidified as habits as a church member. As I root out these thoughts, and challenge them on a daily basis, I also get to see the ever-changing corporation of Mormonism continuing to struggle with its own identity and doctrines.
Steeple heights, tank top garments, crosses, not emphasizing “Latter-day Saints”, two-hour church, ministering, joining Elder’s and High Priests, women witnessing baptisms, nixing penalties and a variety of other things from the temple are just a few of the major changes I have witnessed over the intervening years since I left the church. They continue to refuse to apologize for past mistakes that have hurt countless others such as denying temple and priesthood to black members for years, and the idiotic “Exclusion Policy” that was God’s prophecy for exactly three years.
Perhaps more disturbing is the increasing number of sexual abuse allegations and convictions that plague past priesthood leaders who were called by inspiration, the lies and falsehoods spewed by the “Brethren” and the ever-growing wealth portfolio of what is supposed to be Christ’s one true church on earth. The twelve apostles are largely lawyers or businessmen, carefully picked to carry what would be a Fortune 100 company, if it wasn’t a non-profit, into the future. Its policies and decisions mirror corporate America making it the religion that really isn’t, as the focus seems to be wealth accumulation rather than helping others find a belief and faith in Jesus.
As difficult as deconstruction, rebuilding, loss of friends, closeness with family and the often-lingering existential crisis have been, I am grateful that I no longer have the need to try to live within the confines of an organization that chooses members underwear, tells them what they can’t drink, demands ten percent of their income, 99% of the time chooses to support the abuser rather than the abused, and refuses to use any of it hundreds of billions to pay for church cleaning. On the balance I am happy on my journey of finding whatever I may have lost from quitting the corporation in other places.