Letting go

A very significant relationship in my life has recently come to a close. This relationship has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It impacted every aspect of my upbringing and guided me in all the major decisions of my life up to this point. It was a relationship that has been both loving and hurtful at times. At times it made me feel special and valued, and it motivated me to try and improve myself.

As a child this relationship encompassed everything I knew. I was taught it would be critical to my happiness and that without it I would feel lost and alone. That it provided purpose and meaning for my existence and that I should stay close to it. My parents and extended family fully embraced this relationship and encouraged it. They were so happy that I valued it and wanted it. When I expressed how much I loved having this relationship I received lots of positive feedback, encouragement and support.

As I got a little bit older I found at times it became more difficult to maintain this relationship as it often asked for more than I felt I could give. Sometimes it seemed it would never be satisfied with my efforts. It could be quite demanding, and let me know that to feel its love I had to abide by strict rules or it would withdraw. I had been told my whole life that without this relationship I could not be truly happy so I felt guilty when I ignored or turned away from it. When I made choices that I knew it felt were wrong I felt shame. All of my decisions had been mapped out by this relationship and I hadn’t learned how to navigate some life choices without it. When I made mistakes and was unhappy I was told this was because I had pulled back. I felt confused, unprepared and alone without it since it was all I had ever known.  When I was 18 I made the decision to come back to it and commit myself to developing the relationship fully. With it I had a very structured road-map on how to make significant choices and what my life should look like. It felt easier and I received lots of positive feedback from family and community for this decision. I felt loved and accepted.

It supported and encouraged my decision to get married at age 19 and drop out of school so my husband could complete his education. It remained a significant part of my life as I struggled to understand my role as a woman. I turned to it to try and understand my role as a wife. It provided a community filled with people similar to me and a blueprint for how to raise my four children. I worked very hard to maintain this relationship and keep it healthy. I tried to listen to it when I felt overwhelmed, discouraged and struggled to find fulfillment as a full-time stay at home mom. I spent a significant amount of time involving it in my day-to-day life as well as encouraging and teaching my children how important it was for them to grow and maintain this relationship for themselves. As they got older and struggled to make their own decisions I tried to love and encourage them to stay close to it. Many of the things we did as a family involved this relationship and it impacted all aspects of our life. I taught my children all the things that I had been taught about how this relationship worked. I taught them why this relationship was important and special. I expressed my belief that this relationship would help them be happy. I taught them they could always trust it.

Years went by and periodically I would find aspects of the relationship that were puzzling to me or made me uncomfortable but I tried to focus on the positive things. I reasoned with myself that every relationship has positives and negatives and sometimes you had to just not worry too much about the areas that don’t feel good. Overall it continued to be a positive thing in my life but periodically the very black/white demands it made on me were hard. I tried not to question the explanations it gave me even though at times they didn’t make sense or feel right. I tried to let the hurtful things go because I remembered how wonderful it felt when we were close. Sometimes I noticed this relationship put a lot of pressure on my children and expected a lot from them. Sometimes I felt uncomfortable when I noticed they suffered from this relationship. I tried to trust and believe this was the most important relationship we would have and the way that we would all truly find happiness.

Years continued to pass and our relationship became more and more strained. I found it was not quite as loving and supportive as I thought when changes happened in my life that were different from the typical pattern it had said my life should take. I noticed how strongly it influenced people in their relationship, and when those relationships weren’t within the rules (it said they had to follow), it viewed them negatively. It even tried to influence laws to legislate some of its rules so that everyone would have to follow them. I watched people get hurt by this relationship. I continued each week to try and spend time on it hoping that I could find the love, acceptance, direction and support I had felt earlier in my life. At times I would feel the love and acceptance and it was wonderful but those times grew further and further apart. I found I spent a lot of time crying over this relationship and trying to figure out how I could still enjoy it.

I had spent years on this. There had to be a way to hold onto it despite my new perspectives. I lost the sense of community that it gave me and I became more and more isolated. When I tried to talk to others about the difficulty I was having in the relationship, I was told I had to just accept its definitions, rules and claims as truth. I had to accept that any loved ones who no longer wanted this relationship were wrong; they had been deceived and would not ultimately be happy. I tried to explain that if I took this view (that I was right and they were wrong) it would make it very difficult to have a healthy relationship with my loved ones; I was told that if I loved the relationship enough I would choose it over everything else. They said this relationship was the way to ultimate truth and had all the answers. I was told the reason I was struggling was that I was fighting against that truth and if I would just accepted and follow it I would be happy again.

Time continued to pass and the hurt increased. I struggled each week to try and manage the relationship and find fulfillment in it. I felt guilty as I realized pulling back was actually a relief. I gave myself permission to go back to the beginning and see if I still believed it had the truth. I wanted and needed to know if the relationship was worth it. Was it the only way to happiness as I had been taught? Would my decision to pull away from this relationship really impact my eternal existence? Would I be lost without it? I spent months studying it. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I discovered there were aspects about this relationship I had been completely unaware of. It was a lot more complicated than I had realized. There had been falsehoods and things hidden from me. Understanding and learning this new information allowed me to admit that I no longer believed the relationship was what it claimed to be. All of the unanswered questions and concerns that I had been trying to ignore could be looked at, analyzed and I could choose for myself. The reality was this relationship had become unhealthy and damaging for me. I knew pulling back would result in pain for some of my loved ones and would impact our interactions and yet I was ready to live authentically. There were too many aspects of it that just didn’t work for me anymore. I felt an enormous range of emotions recognizing and accepting this.

Fall 2013 : I open my mailbox and there is the envelope. I’m surprised at the multitude of emotions that sweep over me as I read the letter: sadness, disappointment, hurt, nostalgia, pain, relief and acceptance. Even though I knew the letter was coming because I had requested it I didn’t anticipate this reaction, but then again this has been a 46 year relationship, and one of the most significant in my life. I’m going to give myself time to feel the emotions and move through them. I’m stepping into the next part of my life and it’s OK. I’m ready to let go.

Risky Rescue

I don’t read The Ensign, but I do read Zelophehad’s Daughters.  It was “To the Rescue,” an entry on ZD from last week, that clued me in to an essay by Thomas Monson from the October Ensign called “Our Responsibility to Rescue.” You can pretty much figure out the whole essay from the first paragraph:

For Latter-day Saints, the need to rescue our brothers and sisters who have, for one reason or another, strayed from the path of Church activity is of eternal significance. Do we know of such people who once embraced the gospel? If so, what is our responsibility to rescue them?

About the same time I read that, a good chunk of my Facebook friends posted links to this piece from Robert Kirby about his wife’s decision to leave the LDS church and join another and what that meant for their marriage:

I make it sound easy. It wasn’t. When a shared faith is one of the original pillars of a relationship, it doesn’t get removed without consequences. There were a lot of those, not the least among them was which of us was going to hell now?…

What’s your religion worth to you? Is it something you’d die for? Lots of people say they would lay down their lives for their faith. Would you kill for it? How about your marriage? Would you divorce your spouse over your faith?…

Keep in mind that if you stay, you can’t just agree to disagree about religion. At some point you’ll have to disagree AND shut up about it. No wound — whether emotional or physical — ever heals if you keep picking at it….

In the end it came down to this for me: I believe the most important thing for which I’ll be judged is how I treat my wife rather than my church.

When I saw an interesting conversation developing after a friend linked to Kirby’s piece, I couldn’t help asking what he thought of Monson’s, given that they are in such sharp contrast.  My friend said that he thought that they weren’t as contradictory as I might think, since Monson’s article is about a particular type of person: someone who still believes in the church and misses its influence in their life, not about people who have truly stopped believing and are happier outside the church than in it.

The problem, of course, which we went on to discuss, is that no one and nothing official in the church ever acknowledges that anyone can be happy–much less happier–outside the church than it.  The rhetoric in Monson’s talk might not be quite as condemning, but its basic attitude is not really different from this discussion of apostasy and its effects on marriage from Spencer Kimball:

To be really happy in marriage, one must have a continued faithful observance of the commandments of the Lord. No one, single or married, was ever sublimely happy unless he was righteous. There are temporary satisfactions and camouflaged situations for the moment, but permanent, total happiness can come only through cleanliness and worthiness. One who has a pattern of religious life with deep religious convictions can never be happy in an inactive life.  The conscience will continue to afflict, unless it has been seared, in which case the marriage is already in jeopardy. A stinging conscience can make life most unbearable. Inactivity is destructive to marriage, especially where the parties are inactive in varying degrees.

Religious differences are the most trying and among the most unsolvable of all differences.

The harshness of Kimball’s stance–that if a spouse leaves the church, s/he has basically destroyed the marriage–is one reason that “When He Stopped Believing,” an article by Name Withheld from the July 2012 Ensign about a woman who decided to stay with and love her apostate husband, was such a big deal.

But things like this article from Monson make it difficult if not impossible for Name Withheld to truly accept and love her husband for who he is. Instead she is encouraged to try to change him–told him that it’s her religious duty, in fact, to change him, to rescue him, and that if she doesn’t try valiantly to do so, she’s failing him, herself, her church and her god.

This is why I never believe any official statement from the church about how it respects people of other faiths.  It doesn’t.  It sees them as people who not only need rescuing, but are often too fallen and blind and deluded to realize just how badly in need of rescue they are.

You know what’s really corrosive to a relationship?  A palpable sense that the other person is somehow broken and has to be fixed–and that you and your church are the ones who can do the fixing.

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(It also bugged me that Monson’s article refers to artist JMW Turner as Joseph Mallord William Turner. Yeah, that’s his full name, but it’s not his professional name.  One more way the church can’t let people determine who they are or how they express themselves in the world.)

 

 

 

 

 

NoCoolNameTom’s 25 new scripture mastery verses

For the first three months of this year, NoCoolNameTom has been translating scriptures into Greek, and giving context around the 25 scripture mastery verses.  Beyond just being awesome to actually see the options for translation, and getting a good feel for which ones are twisted out of context, and which are fairly accurate, he has explored the ideas of “Why this verse” compared to others.

This week, he posted his own suggested list of 25 New Testament scripture mastery scriptures for teenagers struggling to go through Junior High/High school without specific Mormon rhetoric.  I think this list touches the TBM, the NOM, the agnostic and the atheist in illustrating what teenagers need to hear as well as illustrating how much damage the current seminary program does to teenagers already struggling.

Regardless it is thought provoking and worth reading.

Full list here: http://blog.nocoolnametom.com/2013/03/07/scripture-mastery-nt-end/

Mormon Intra-faith Dialogue Under Controlled Circumstances

Picket Fence

A week ago, a number of bloggers from across the Mormon belief map joined together answer the following question- do good online fences make good LDS neighbors? My co-panelistchanson has posted some remarks here, andRachel Whipple has posted her remarks at Times and Seasons, andyou can also readHolly’s post herefor thoughts from a non-panelist.

I have written frequently on the topic, but I wanted to address things again here. For our panel, we had wanted to have members of the orthodox, believing Mormon blog aggregator Nothing Wavering. However, both Bruce Nielson and J. Max Wilson declined our invitation, but they did provide reasons for why they declined our invitations to Sunstone (Bruce’s reasons for declining Sunstone detail this idea that the different blogs are “safe zones” for different communities, whereas J. Max Wilson’s reasons for declining talk about the need not to give Sunstone or the Bloggernacle any legitimacy.)

With J. Max’s and Bruce’s posts publicly available on their blogs, I thought that I could present their pointson their behalf — kinda like a devil’s advocate (can you taste the irony?) I don’t know how J. Max feels about this, but Bruce, at the very least, had said explicitly in his comments:

…if you wanted to express my views of boundary maintenance at Sunstone on my behalf just for kicks and giggles and then let your panel shoot it down, I really wouldnt mind. (Not being present, I can hardly be socially rejected now can I?) I might even take this email and post it on M* one of these days and see if it generates any discussion while Im in my safe zone so to speak. But this is up to you.

So I guess his post was fair game. But there was a funny thing that happened after I presented both of their positions.

Continue reading “Mormon Intra-faith Dialogue Under Controlled Circumstances”

Reclaiming Our Stories

This is the presentation I gave for the panel Who gets to say what former Mormons are like? which I organized at the 2012 Sunstone Symposium.

I could see that she didn’t know what she was talking about just by the description of this book!

Author needs to do her research first!

I have only read the description of this book and I realize that I might not really understand the content, but the Mormon church is not like what is being described.

The author does not have the least bit of correct knowledge of the Mormon religion. Her portrayal could not have been more grossly inaccurate.

If you would like to know what the Mormon church, (correctly named The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints*) believes in and stands for, this book is NOT the source to choose. Visit Mormon.org or talk to a Mormon you may know.

All of these are quotes from online reviews of someone’s personal memoirs. The book is not billed as anything other than one person’s life experiences — certainly not as a source-book on Mormonism.

I know, you can find anything on the Internet. But still, it’s interesting to see several people confidently post that they are more qualified than the author judge the accuracy of her recounting of her own life, simply because her experience with Mormonism was largely (but not entirely) negative.

The advice to “talk to a Mormon you may know” is perhaps the most poignant part because of the unspoken assumptions it carries: That obviously the author can’t be considered “Mormon” if she’s no longer a believing, practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and that if she’s not “Mormon” by the CoJCoL-dS’s standards, then she has no business talking about Mormonism at all. Even experiences from her own life — it’s as though she has no right to claim them anymore.

If you dont want anything to do with the LDS faith, then why allocate so much of your time talking about it??

That’s our “Frequently Asked Question” on the community blog Main Street Plaza. No other question comes close in frequency.

I try to be patient with this question because — no matter how many times I’ve answered it — it’s new to each new person who comes by to ask.

It’s not a malicious question. It’s that the CoJCoL-dS teaches that “apostates” are miserable and bitter, and have no further connection with anything Mormon — except to angrily try to tear the church down. And if you’re surrounded by people who believe that, it’s not unusual to have simply never questioned that claim. I’m glad to have the opportunity to expose people to a new and unfamiliar perspective.

The truth is that if you were raised Mormon or have practiced Mormonism for a significant amount of time, that experience is part of what shapes the person you are. That component of your life doesn’t suddenly become invalid or irrelevant the day you stop believing in the truth claims of the CoJCoL-dS. That’s why our book distribution co-op is called the “Mormon Alumni Association” (see here for the origin of the name).

Former Mormons typically have strong mixed feelings about Mormonism. Some negative opinions, naturally, but also lots of positive associations and memories as well. Rarely indifference.

It’s normal for former Mormons to want to join in discussions about Mormonism. It’s normal that those who feel inspired to write stories include Mormon characters and Mormon themes, as I did in my novel ExMormon. You write what you know. And if you look at our book collection, you’ll see that our portraits of Mormonism are complex and varied — not one-note diatribes. For some of our stories Mormonism isn’t even the central point at all, it’s more background scenery.

In his March 15 Washington Post column Michael Otterson argued that journalists are not really qualified to cover Mormon-related stories unless they:

Drop into our services, talk to our people**, have dinner with a local leader, spend a family home evening with a family, be present when a young soon-to-be missionary opens his or her call letter and learns where they will be spending the next couple of years. Join with us on a service project. And then, when you have scratched the surface in this way, closely observe the transformation of peoples lives outside the church as missionaries teach them and they go through the conversion process. Watch those who transition from attitudes of hopelessness to lives of purpose and meaning and learn new ways to follow Jesus Christ. Talk to a Mormon bishop –our version of the local pastor, but who is unpaid for their volunteer work –as he helps people grapple with problems of addiction or shaky marriages or unemployment.

He also gives a list of publications that are extremely laudatory towards the CoJCoL-dS as examples of good journalism.

Michael Otterson (the managing director of Public Affairs for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) is the intellectual leader behind the new mantra “If you have any questions, go to lds.org!” Any time a news story diverges one iota from the party line found on lds.org and the LDS Newsroom website, the church PR machine exclaims that the journalists didn’t do their research properly. This includes interviewing faithful Mormons like BYU Professor Randy Bott.

I wish faithful Mormons would be willing to apply the same standards to themselves, and realize that Sunday School lessons like Beware the Bitter Fruits of Apostasy represent tearing other people down — real live people like you and me — whose lives the faithful Mormons aren’t qualified to describe.

One positive aspect of the “Mormon Moment” is that it might help people like Otterson get the message that it’s not reasonable to expect journalists to quote exclusively from your company’s official spokespeople and press releases, and not seek any other sources. But even if it doesn’t, we former Mormons can find our own voices through blogs and books, etc., and reclaim our own stories.

* Unless the reviewer mistakenly thought the memoir was about growing up in the Strangite branch, the correct name is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” not “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”.

** I imagine Otterson means to exclude people like me in the category “our people.”

The Happiness Factor

Over the years, I’ve watched former mormon blogs come and go. And posters on various former mormon boards join and leave. (Kiley recently talked about it here). From what I can discern, there appears to be a cycle that some former mormons run through. At first there can be a lot of emotions; hurt, betrayal, anger or fear. But generally, after some time, people stop posting. In the least, they stop posting about mormon culture, leadership, history, etc.

Why is that?

My theory can’t be sustained by fact. After all, most people will say they are happy or content with their lives. Both mormons and former mormons have a vested interest. Most people (mo and non mo) have a strong inclination towards denial “it’s not that bad”.

Seth studied ex-mormon narratives some years back. I suspect that ex-mormon narratives are quite a bit like conversion narratives (I agree with runtu here). A person holds one belief (or hasn’t thought about it) and then revisits that belief (sometimes with severe personal consequences). Parents disown children; children disown parents. Couples divorce. Lifelong friends stop speaking to one another.

After some time, this social upheaval stabilizes. Relatives and friends accept that the original person hasn’t fully changed, although some of their outward beliefs may have changed. There’s an acceptance that they are no longer are true believers (if they ever were). They come to terms with the divorce (if one happened). Both sides either come to an uneasy truce or end the relationship (even a familial relationship).

Personally, I strongly suspect that it’s the social upheaval that creates the majority of the angst (if angst is the right word). It’s the feelings of betrayal (on both sides). One side thought love was unconditional (beyond faith). The other side thought a family member would be strong enough to remain in the faith, would overlook truth claims or political controversies.

So it becomes an interpersonal conflict, the personal becoming the political. And after a few years, everyone basically accepts the new reality (ex. aerin is no longer officially mormon, not married to a mormon, not going to raise her children mormon). While both sides may challenge the status quo, things stabilize.

And some of this prediction take into account mormons who return and mormons who leave and never write anything on the internet.

And despite all the protest to the contrary, most former mormons (who’ve gone through this process) appear to be doing just fine. They live different lives. They make different choices in relationships. They may go to a church, they may not. But just like mormons they find themselves content with their lives.

For me, it was hard at first to watch some of the bloggers that I have loved reading over the years stop posting as much. But then I realized that this appears to be a cycle of sorts. And that it’s healthy, in fact, for people of all backgrounds to grow and change. Sometimes that growth means not posting as much on the internet. What was fascinating is not as consuming as it once was.

Why are Ex-Mormons So Angry (and other questions)? Part II

This is the second part of what has turned out to be a surprisingly lengthy two-part series on the perception of ex-Mormons as being angry and causes and reasons for anger that may exist, originally posted at Irresistible (Dis)Grace here and here. Please read part I (if you haven’t already) here.

3. Why do ex-Mormons appear to be angrier than we are?

If you’ll notice my phrasing of the previous question (in the first part), I wrote thatsomeex-Mormons will be angrysomeof the time. But what outsiders generally see is a perpetually angry mass of people.

So what explains the difference between appearance and reality?

It’s a matter of an unrepresentative sample along with the vocal minority/silent majority dynamic. Continue reading “Why are Ex-Mormons So Angry (and other questions)? Part II”

Why are Ex-Mormons So Angry (and other questions)? Part I

A while back on reddit, aMormon stumbled into the popular (and still growing) ex-Mormon reddit to ask the ex-Mormon denizens a few questions. Many of the questions were quite patronizing (despite the poster’s stated desire to “support whatever [our] beliefs [were] in a non-patronizing way”), and the proceeding conversation was less than pretty. However, it was a good chance for me to formalize some little-known dynamics of the disaffected Mormon underground that explain why some questions come up over and over again from well-meaning (or even not-so-well-meaning) Mormon (or even non-Mormon) outsiders:

  1. Are ex-Mormons all angry?
  2. If so, why are we angry?
  3. If not (or if there is some caveat), then why do weappearto be angry?

In addressing these basic questions, I made comments that I’ve made on many blogs and on many occasions, but recently I realized that I’ve never formally taken the time to post these things.

Until now.This is the first part of what has turned out to be a surprisingly lengthy two-part series, which was originally posted at Irresistible (Dis)Grace in parts I and II.Part II may be found here.

Continue reading “Why are Ex-Mormons So Angry (and other questions)? Part I”

Casualties of the Churchs Stance on Homosexuality: Stories from the Salt Lake Mormon Stories Conference

I have to say that, a year ago, I knew of only a handful of LDS families that were said to have gay members, but I knew nothing of any challenges they may have faced because of this. I had no knowledge of damage that had been done to families by the Churchs involvement in Proposition 8 in California. I was only very dimly aware of the suicides of young gay Mormons who had given up the struggle. I was basically ignorant of the whole issue, which was attributable to me being deeply in the closet myself; I didnt consider it safe to express any interest in such things for fear it would expose me as being gay.

Now, however, I know differently (and feel very, very badly about my former ignorance and apathy), and I want to do what little I can to increase awareness of such issues among the LDS community in which I live locally and am a part globally.

So, speaking to members of this community, I wonder how many of you have family members who are gay or lesbian. A son, a daughter, a father, a mother, an aunt, an uncle, a grandson, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a nephew. Or how many of you have friends who are gay or who have family members who are gay?

If you know of someone in these categories, I wonder how familiar you may be with some of the challenges that these persons, families and friends face when, as faithful members of the LDS Church, they are confronted with the reality of learning that a loved one is gay. I wonder how aware you might be of the turmoil that exists in families in the Church over the Churchs stance toward homosexuality and gay marriage. I wonder whether you know of someone who, though not gay, has left the Church because of the Churchs stance on homosexuality.

There is much I could write on this subject. For this post, however, I want to share just a few stories of real-life people whom I didnt know a week ago. I met them this past weekend at the Mormon Stories Salt Lake Conference. These are simply sketches, but are representative of stories that could be told, I am sure, across the length and breadth of the Church.

Sketch #1: Alice had traveled from England specifically to attend the conference. In getting to know her, she shared that she was a 6th-generation Mormon, some of her ancestors having been converted by Heber C. Kimball on his mission to England. She had been raised in the Church, as had her brother. He had grown up a faithful Latter-day Saint and had served an honorable mission.

This young man, however, harbored a secret: he is gay. After going through an intense struggle with which any young gay Mormon would be familiar, he went in to see his bishop to tell him that he is gay. Expecting support and help, the young man was crushed when his bishop told him there was no place for him in the Church. He returned home, devastated and broken.

Alice was so incensed by this treatment of her brother that she eventually resigned her membership in the Church. She could not be a part of a religious organization that inflicted such pain on someone she loved so deeply.

Sketch #2: Malcolm is a graduate student at the University of Utah. He is a life-long member of the Church a wholesome, handsome young man who exudes a spirit of gentleness and laughter, and who also happens to be gay. In getting to know him, he briefly described to me the challenges he had faced in coming to terms with his homosexuality. Not unlike other young Mormon men who struggle valiantly even desperately to overcome their attraction to men, Malcolm had tried to pray the gay away. He had pleaded. He had fasted. He had gone through therapy. He had also participated in a well-known retreat program that is designed to help gay men overcome their gayness through development of wholesome bonding with other men.

Of course, none of these approaches worked. Finally, Malcolm accepted himself for who he is, and in the wake of doing so came a wave of bitterness and anger toward the church that had told him to go through what he had gone through that had told him that if he just tried hard enough, long enough, and had enough faith, he could overcome his weakness. The wonder of it all was that, here he was, at this conference, wondering if he could yet forge a place for himself in Mormonism.

Sketch #3: Jerry was a man I met Sunday morning while attending Music and the Spoken Word with the Mormon Stories group. He and his wife had come from out of town for the conference. As was the case with others I had met over the course of the weekend, we quickly got to the point of asking each other about our story.

Jerry explained that he is straight, that he had been an active member of the Church for over 25 years, but that his faith had hit the wall over the issue of gay marriage. In the wake of Proposition 8, something arose within him that cried out against what he saw as the injustice and inhumanity of the Churchs treatment of gays and their campaign against gay marriage. He could no longer believe that the leaders of the Church were inspired. He eventually resigned his membership. But there he was with his wife at this conference, wondering – like Alice and Malcolm – if he could forge a place for himself and his wife within the world of Mormonism.

As Ive said, these are just three sketches of lives of members of the Church who have been deeply affected by the Churchs stance on homosexuality. These sketches are representative of many, many other stories which will only grow in number, here in North America and around the world.

So I would like to say to my former ward members and fellow members of the Church around the world that the issue of homosexuality is not going to go away. If an LDS family hasnt already been touched by it, it is only a matter of time before it will be .

Invictus Pilgrim wrote about this past weekend’s Mormon Stories Salt Lake Conference here.