How you know it’s “the Mormon Moment”

There have been a lot of news stories lately claiming it is the “Mormon Moment.” This claim is based on things like the Broadway play, The Book of Mormon, Glenn Beck’s rise (and fall), and the two candidates for the Republican nomination for President, Romney and Huntsman, getting lots of attention.

These all seem like reasonable indicators, but I wasn’t really convinced that it was the “Mormon Moment” until I read the article Mormon Propositioned, in The Bay Area Reporter. Just for fun, click on that link and read the article before you continue. Trust me, it’s worth it!

Back? So, for those who didn’t take my advice, the article is a review of a new pornographic DVD called Golden Gate 2, which is basically five gay sex scenes. One of them is about a Mormon missionary who is seduced by an investigator.

While there is obviously nothing wrong with trolling the internet looking for reviews of gay porn, I should probably offer a short explanation for how I ended up on that page. I have a Google News Alert on the word “Mormon.” I don’t read all the articles that come through the feed, but a Mormon being propositioned piqued my prurient interests (like this article did), so I clicked on the link.

Thinking I was reading a regular news article, I glossed right over this line:

a second disc has Behind the Scenes segments for all five scenes, as well as a solo jerk for all 10 stars. That’s copious, my friends.

Apparently my brain contains an alternative interpretation for “solo jerk” because no flags popped up when I read it (in all fairness I was just skimming to see what the article was really about).

My suspicions were raised when I read this line:

Don’t be disappointed if ostensibly innocent-looking lad Ashley Ryder doesn’t get to his usual dildo in his scene with Colby Keller, because he whips out a big one for his solo.

And I finally figured out what I was reading when I read this line:

And a Mormon on a mission stops proselytizing when a prick is popped in his mouth.

This last line was actually included in the description in my news feed (it’s the first mention of the word “Mormon” in the article after the title). Ever a testament to Mormon indoctrination, when I read the word “prick” in the summary of the article in my news feed, I thought of D&C 121:38:

38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.

Um, yeah, not exactly the same “pricks” as in the article. Though, swapping the meanings around is humorous when you think about it.

Alas, I probably won’t be ordering Golden Gate 2; it’s really not the type of pornography I prefer. But, I am convinced that people fantasizing about seducing Mormon missionaries and using such fantasies to get off is the “sure[est] sign” that Mormonism has arrived. Truly, it is a “Mormon Moment.”

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profxm

I'm a college professor and, well, a professional X-Mormon. Thus, ProfXM. I love my Mormon family, but have issues with LDS Inc. And I'm not afraid to tell LDS Inc. what I really think... anonymously, of course!

5 thoughts on “How you know it’s “the Mormon Moment”

  1. The Bloggernacle keeps its headline aggregator here. Check out the links under “California”… glad to know the ‘nacle is doing its part to promote “Mormon Propositioned”… heh.

    Edit: Wow, the MA Newsroom editors have got some impressive hustle. They took down their gay porn links within minutes of this comment going up here at MSP. For Honor Code officers and the crew following along from their COB cubicles, here’s the screen grab:

    The Bloggernacle's favoritest gay porn

    For a second there, what with all the gay porn on offer, I thought I’d fallen asleep reading the Bloggernacle (a common occurrence) and somehow woken up in my local Marriott (not so common).

  2. I am convinced that people fantasizing about seducing Mormon missionaries and using such fantasies to get off is the sure[est] sign that Mormonism has arrived.

    I remember that episode last year about the SLC-based Mormon hackers that attacked Mormonboyz.com. There wasn’t even much on the site yet, but I guess the idea of Mormon missionaries posing solo in (and removing) their sacred garments was too much for some people (and of course still is).

    But this post inspired me to take a look at that site to see how it’s doing. The Church might be glad to know that the site has started fighting the demographic perception that Mormons are only white and American. After 18 white guys, the siteowner I guess decided to travel to Brazil. Also, if the tidbits of info on the site are true (such as you can’t serve a mission if you have a visible tattoo, or you’re not supposed to swim while being a missionary), then the site is actually rather informative. =D

  3. The no swimming part is definitely true (because of D&C 61, according to missionary folklore), but I don’t know about the tattoos. Back when I was on my mission, only sailors got them anyway.

  4. The Church might be glad to know that the site has started fighting the demographic perception that Mormons are only white and American. After 18 white guys, the siteowner I guess decided to travel to Brazil.

    That’s great! Naturally the gay community embraces diversity.

    Of course, the fantasy has a straight version as well. 😉

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