Urban Koda’s thoughts on “Riding” made me reflect on a lotof my hang-ups that can be traced directly back to teachings of the Church.
Imagine a 13-year-old girl who believes she will be eternally cut off from the presence of God unless she repents by confessing to her middle-aged male bishop that she masturbates. And imagine her agony a couple of years later when this same man is her high school biology teacher and she has to go to class every day with the thought, He knows that I touch myself.
Yep, that was me.
(This same bishop/biology teacher also completely skipped the chapter on evolution because he didn’t believe in it, but that’s a topic for a different post.)
What else? There was one professor my freshman year of college that I had a terrible crush on. I remember one day he wore a white t-shirt that showed off his pectorals, which I stared at all through class under the guise of being an attentive student. And then I chastised myself for being un-Christlike by lusting after an attractive man. How disrespectful of me!
When it’s pounded into you (no pun intended) that sexual sins are second only to murder, it’s easy to feel like you’re less than pure for even having sexual desires. I’ve read old journals where I describe what I now recognize as a completely normal interest in sex as “sex addiction.” Is it even possible to be both a virgin and a sex addict?
And, oh, all the sex that might have been, though actually, when I think about guys I could have slept with and didn’t, really there’s only one that I kind of wish I had. Still, my chastity was born of fear, not self-respect. That can’t be healthy!
I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten past most of those of those hang-ups now, though some of them linger. What about you? How has Mormonism f@#*ed up your sex life?